


His Side of the Bed

by bbelle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble, First Kiss, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Post-Episode: s09e14 Captives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 19:30:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1316599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbelle/pseuds/bbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His side of the bed doesn't have a pillow, because he doesn't actually sleep. </p>
<p>*Based on first and final scenes of 9x14 Captives, showing that Dean leaves a side of his bed empty. For Cas. Obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Side of the Bed

His side of the bed doesn’t have a pillow, because he doesn’t actually sleep.

It’s not always his side. Sometimes Dean splays himself out, taking up as much room as he can. It’s not a rejection, but Cas knows that it means Dean’s exhausted and won’t be getting up anytime soon. Most of the time, when he sees this he leaves – there’s just so much to do these days. But sometimes he sticks around anyway, sitting in a chair or standing quietly by the bed, watching.

Dean doesn’t complain anymore about being watched in his sleep. He knows that Cas does it when he’s sitting beside him, and if he knew that he did it standing up sometimes or sitting across the room, it’s doubtful he would mind.

Most of the time, Dean keeps his pillow on his side of the bed, letting Cas know that he’s welcome to join, but he still stretches out. When the bed is arranged like this, though, with Dean so purposefully keeping to his side, it’s an invitation. A silent sort of prayer.

Cas takes his place, sitting perfectly upright atop the sheets, and waits. Dean is listening to music on his little pink machine, but Cas knows that his presence has been registered. Sometimes they just stay like this, not talking, until Dean falls asleep. He’s not sure what Dean gets out of this – he won’t pry into his mind – but he supposes his presence must be some kind of a comfort.

Every once in a while, he launches into a diatribe immediately upon Cas’s arrival. Usually, it’s somewhere in between. Dean wants to talk, but open communication doesn't come easily to him, so they sit in silence until he’s ready. Cas doesn’t mind. He’s nothing if not patient.

Dean pulls off his headphones and places them on the bed, but doesn’t turn the music off. Cas can still hear it perfectly, and Dean knows that, knows that his hearing is far superior to that of humans. He may be doing it deliberately, so Cas attends to the words, seeking any potential message… _Let your secrets follow you down_ …

Finally, Dean begins to speak. He is still looking away from Cas, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular.

“I should have let him go.”

They sit in silence again for a moment, but Dean doesn’t continue, so Cas prompts him further. “Sam?”

“Kevin. He almost stormed right out the door, and I should have…I should have let him. Crowley told him his mom was still alive. That he’d die if he stayed with us. And he almost left. He should have.”

The pain in his voice was palpable, and Cas had the urge to reach over and run his fingers through his hair. He had done that once before, after Sam had told him that he would have let him die, and Dean was utterly shattered. Dean let him, seemed to appreciate it in that one instance, but Cas still wasn’t sure whether such actions were generally acceptable. So he refrained.  

Instead Cas just sat there, opening himself up to Dean’s pain.

“Crowley was right. Freakin’ Crowley. And I was wrong. I told Kevin to stay, I told him we were family.” He looked absolutely miserable, and Cas’s heart broke for him. “Maybe Sam’s right. Maybe that really doesn’t mean what I think it means, or shouldn’t. I cling to people, and they die, except for the ones that I don’t let die.”

He sounded far away now. “I don’t know what’s right anymore, Cas. I feel like I’m poison to everyone around me.”

Finally, he looked directly at him, his green eyes shining with unshed tears, face contorted in anguish. Cas couldn’t resist the urge anymore. He reached over and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, began stroking his head gently, trying his best to be soothing. Dean’s eyes closed for a moment and his face relaxed until he looked almost peaceful. He accepted the touch fully, seemed to need it desperately.

He opened his eyes again and looked into Cas’s. Though he was calmer, his voice sounded so small, so lost. “Do you regret it? Staying with me? Giving up everything you had? Do you ever just regret even lifting me out of Hell in the first place?”

And Cas felt something break inside himself, a torrent of emotions that he didn’t even realize he was capable of having. It was the yearning vulnerability he’d felt while human, combined with the blinding righteous need to rectify wrongs that fuelled him as an angel. He lost all hesitance.

“Never.” His voice was steely, his whole being suddenly filled with unwavering intent.

Dean parted his lips to say something, and Cas quieted any potential response with his own mouth. He felt Dean’s body tense against him, shocked at this turn, but he didn’t pull away, and Cas wasn’t sure if he would have let him. He was so certain that this was right.

It was this kind of certainty that had led him down destructive paths before, led him to betray the Winchesters and wreak untold damage to the Earth and to Heaven. But it was also this kind of certainty that led him back to Dean, time and again, and he couldn’t question it now even if he wanted to. Every fiber of his being told him that this was the right thing. And as Dean’s surprised tension transformed into something else, as he felt Dean’s body respond to him, his hands clutch at Cas’s coat to bring him even closer, his mouth hungrily take him in, he knew that Dean was just as certain.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Screenshot of the opening scene: 
> 
> http://i0.wp.com/blogcritics.org/wp-content/uploads/bcimages/2014/02/Screen-shot-2014-02-27-at-5.41.15-PM.png
> 
> I honestly can think of no other reasonable explanation why someone would have their bed configured this way.


End file.
